Nothing More Than Feelings

            I couldn’t feel more stiff if someone dipped me into a vat of starch and allowed me to dry. That channeled my thoughts into the myriad of feelings and emotions that have pressed close over the past two weeks. My daughter Anna’s wedding ceremony was Saturday the third of October. All of the preparation and decoration was a drain. She did most of the selection and collection of each item that she wanted, but the transportation of those items I was pressed into helping.

            At least three vehicle loads of decorations and candy for the candy bar were ferried to the church and to the next-door reception hall. Thursday was the festooning of sunflowers and fall foliage in the hall. Lights needed hung and final placement tables and chairs. I was up and down a ladder so many times, I quickly lost track of the number and almost lost feeling in my legs and feet.

            Later, we were joined by my daughter Amanda and her husband Eric. They pitched in to help. The hardest part was later in the evening, when we had to pull apart one hundred pounds of pork for the reception meal. They had been slowly roasting all day, removed a few hours earlier to cool. Some of the meat wasn’t very cool and singed fingers, ever through vinyl gloves made fingers tingle. It was after midnight, before a drowsy feeling overcame my body’s tiredness.

            My sense of weariness was stretched even more over the next day of decorating and then the day of the wedding. Through it all, I managed to keep my emotions in check. There was so much to do and see that all went well to have a break-down. Sunday and Monday after I had a short sense of relief, but then I began the labor intensive task of moving all of the boxes and containers of the wedding’s remnants back home. I did one car load per day. I was tired, but there was more to come.

            Following the week of revival meetings and removal of the wedding accoutrements, I went to a book signing and reading. That ended with a deflated feeling. Only a few stopped by the small hall and no one sold any books.

            Yesterday, I went to church. I was so exhausted, I could barely stay awake. I have lost the sense of worship, not because I am bored, but because I was tired and that bothered me. As far as I know, I didn’t snore with the head bobs. Home in the empty house, I grabbed a bite to eat and headed out to a writers meeting. It is a chance to hear what other people are writing and to be among friends.

            My house that has been a home for me, my wife Cindy, and my children, Amanda, Andrew, and Anna is now just that. It is a house that only holds just me, the cat and memories.