I'm thinking about entering this short story for a contest. I would like some feedback as to what you think.
She stepped onto the streetcar. Her long tresses cascaded over her shoulders in shimmering chestnut waves. The brightness of her smile immediately filled the coach with sunshine. The smile seemed to be directed at me. With amazing grace, she dropped her money into the change box and sauntered down the aisle. She stopped.
“Is this seat taken?” she asked.
I gl...anced around. The bus was nearly empty and yet she chose the seat beside me.
“N-n-n-o-o,” I managed to stammer.
She slid into the seat. Her delicate scent filled my nostrils. The hem of her skirt moved. I could see the seam of her stocking hugged the curve of her calf.
“I’m on my way home,” she shared, coyly glancing at me.
I felt a lump in my throat and couldn’t speak. She was so beautiful.
“My husband isn’t home at present,” she murmured and placed her slender hand on my thigh.
My breath caught in my throat. My brain began to spin as her heady perfume captivated me and the full meaning of her suggestion sank in.
She slid her hand up and down my thigh, stirring a warm feeling in my loins.
The bell sounded as the streetcar came to a stop. Taking my hand, she led me down the aisle and off the coach. I held a discarded newspaper in front of me to avoid embarrassment.
She closed and locked the apartment door behind her. Pulling me close, she whispered in my ear, “What can I get you for supper, dear?”
“Whatever you want, but tomorrow it’s my turn to pick you up on the trolley.”