Not Understanding the Unbelievable

As I approach the twentieth anniversary of my wife, Cindy Morrison’s death. It’s difficult to believe that many years have flowed by since her passing away. I’ve shared her story of developing ovarian cancer and dying ten days after she was hospitalized. She posed no symptoms and had no pain…ever. She did become short of breath and was eventually entubated. When I say that Cindy’s death was a blessing, they look at me like I was an uncaring beast, but if I am to die from cancer…dear God take me that way, without pain. I’ve been with too many people who suffer from excruciating pain that medications do little to control.

Recently a family that Cindy and I spent a lot of time together has had a series of deaths; the son-in-law of my wife’s best friend, the best friend’s daughter, and now the husband of my wife’s best friend. It’s more than I can understand. It’s hard for me to accept. I know that all things work to complete God’s will. I understand that they were saved and that they are in a much better place, but it is so hard for me to understand, so difficult for me to accept. I know that there’s a reason, but I’m not able to see it. Is it the finite ability of my mind that is unable to comprehend the wisdom of an infinite being? Or is it that I’m not able to see beyond the clouds of grief and see the eternal sunshine beyond? I understand that clouds are fleeting and have trouble accepting them. But I also know that beyond them, an eternal sun is shining. God is there beyond the gloom. Heavenly halls await those who have chosen to accept the gift of salvation. It’s a precious gift that’s free, but one that was bought at such a great price. God sent His only begotten Son to take the form of a man and die on a cross to break the shackles of sin. Jesus was God taking on the flesh of man, donning the flesh and blood shell and yet remaining fully God.

I know that death is inevitable for every man, woman, and child. It’s so very hard for me to understand the “whys” when tragedies happen. I know God sees farther down the road than any mortal being and has reasons. Perhaps death intervenes when something even more dreadful might happen. I’m really not one to question God; however I wish He would give me more insight and understanding that down deep in my soul I can more readily accept His plans.