In the past, I have been invited to an annual masquerade party and my intense imagination has been released. For the most part, I have devised my own costumes. The most formidable was a crow. I made the beak and feet out of thin sheets of foam plastic/ rubber. I attached the beak to a plain mask that I spray painted black. I bought a black derby to which I glued a black feather boa in loops to cover my neck and hair. Black slacks, shoes and a sweater. I glued some black feathers on the cuffs of a pair of black gloves. I was magically transformed into a crow. I stapled some plastic bubble wrap onto a broom handle and painted it to look like an ear of corn, with brown yarn “silk” and green crepe paper leaves. It was hot inside.
Almost as hot was the time that I dressed as a Steeler, Troy Polamalu. I wore white knit pants, and a Polamalu jersey. In one hand was a football and in the other a bottle of dandruff shampoo. What made the outfit hot was that I had to wear three wigs to get the volume that neared his. I almost smothered in that.
I wised up to the point that I knew less was better, if I was to be cooler. Last year, I used my natural attributes as the center of my outfit. I wear dark rimmed glasses and have white chin whiskers and hair. I bought a white Fedora. I already had white pants, while lab coat, and shirt. I made a string bow tie to wear. All that I needed were a few other things. I stopped at a local KFC restaurant and asked for help. I needed something with the KFC logo on it to convert into a name tag. I already had a chicken bucket. They gave me a disposable cup.
At home, I cut out the logo with room to write, Col. Harlan Sanders. I ironed it flat and attached it to a safety pin. Carrying the KFC bucket in one hand and a rubber chicken in the other, I was the founder of KFC, Col. Sanders.
This year, I might be even more minimal. No, I am not going to streak. That would be wrong on so many levels. My body hasn’t been seen naked by anyone but myself, there will be children at the party, and it would be too cold. The most extravagant and warm will be the wig and the black moustache.