Honey Bun Anyone?

A physician would often have his office patients report to the emergency department for testing that he thought needed to be done. Without any inconvenience to him, he could extend office hours by using the emergency room staff. We’d make a chart for each patient, do their assessments, disrobe them, gown them, and take the patient’s vital signs. Once the person was settled in one of the beds we’d call the doctor for orders. When he thought the results would be back he’d stroll over to see the patients. Usually we’d have two or three beds tied up for just his clients until he finished

rounding and came to see them.

Eventually he got tired of answering our telephone calls as each patient would arrive. He knew how many patients he’d advised to come to the hospital and he’d wait until he thought that they had all arrived before he would return our calls. We’d then have fill out the needed requisitions for tests and wait for the results to come back. All the while our beds were being tied up with his patients limiting beds for true emergencies. Once the all of results were back, we’d again page him and he’d eventually decide to see his patients.

We’d heard through the grapevine each morning he liked to grab a cup of coffee and talk with the radiologists before he visited his in-patients, so we started to call x-ray to see if they could prod him into answering our pages.

This worked for awhile until one day someone called the radiology department and asked if the doctor was there. Apparently he’d told the technicians and the secretaries not to interrupt him or tell us whether he was in the hospital or not. He obviously didn’t want bothered until he was ready. He was married but it was also rumored that he had a girlfriend who worked in the radiology department as well.

It was a very busy morning and had four of his patients filling our beds. The emergency department only had a total of eight beds at the time. We were trying to work around his patients and take care of those arriving for emergency treatment. The limited number of beds hampered us and made our jobs so much more difficult. Of course this was one of the days he refused to answer his pages.

I got frustrated at his lack of concern and felt the devil crawl out of me and climb up onto my shoulder. I snatched the telephone and dialed x-ray.

“This was the x-ray department. How may I help you?” a female voice demurely chimed.

I said, “This is Tom from the emergency room. Would doctor Malden happen to be there enjoying a cup of coffee and a honey bun?”

Now a honey bun could have been one of those sweet, sticky, swirled pastries or….?  Well you get the idea.

I heard a small gasp on the other end of the phone and then a soft chuckle before the super sweet voice said, “Hold on, I’ll check for you.”

Dr. Malden returned my call shortly thereafter. I don’t know if she ever told the doctor or the honey bun what I’d said, but when I called the x-ray department from then on, someone would always check to see if he was there. I guess my “innocent” comment had at least gotten passed along to fellow employees.