Rooftop Celebrities

When I was a kid, probably about 13 years old, I climbed on top of my parents’ house roof. I knew they were sitting in front of a large picture window in the living room. My warped adolescent mind hatched a plan. I stuffed the end of a pillow case with several towels then tied a length of rope to it making a “head.” I positioned myself just above the window and swung the pillow case to swoop down with the hem fluttering to “fly” by their view. It worked for several times before my parents caught on that it wasn’t a real ghost. I can’t remember being punished, but can recall Mom saying “I knew there wasn’t anything real about ghosts, but…?”

I’ve been known to climb onto the roof of my own house to clean the chimney. My kids get upset when I tell them that a jolly old fat man in an orange hunting jacket visited managing not to fall off the roof or jump down the chimney. My kids have been doubly concerned after my slip and fall on ice in my driveway 2015. Since then I have had some intermittent problems with balance. I’ve not had a rooftop experience of the dizziness, but I’ve had a ladder fall, trapping me on the porch roof for about half an hour until I managed to use another short ladder and a piece of an antennae to rescue myself. I’ve not completely given up on the occasional need to reopen the chimney from the accumulating soot and creosote, but I’ve hired a chimney sweep to do a thorough cleaning once s year. Now, this is where the rooftop celebrity enters the picture. The name of the gentleman I use to sweep my chimney has the same name as Marion Morrison, John Wayne. He told me this year that he is about to retire from cleaning chimneys, so I won’t share his last name. I’m sure he doesn’t want any new customers. I will give a hearty “Thank you John Wayne” from me and my grateful kids.