Va-va-va-voom

My mind is still reeling from the weekend wedding at the Russian Orthodox Catholic Church. I’ve never had to deal with anything like it before and pray that I never will again. I described the inside of the sanctuary of yellow brick before. It was perched on the side of a steep hill, after all it is Pittsburgh. The parking was limited and I parked in the priest’s driveway at the rectory. After all, he was going to be busy for awhile. The bridesmaid’s dresses varied a bit, but all wore black with slits up the side showing thighs. The groomsmen wore black, some with black neck ties and some with red bowties. The priest wore a silver patterned robe. The bride wore a lovely form-fitting white lace gown. Although there was no music, all seemed normal until the priest began the litany describing the viral biblical men and the fertileness of biblical women. I’m sure he would have mentioned the name of Mary’s mother if he’d known her name. The cantor (not Eddie Cantor) continued in the same vein with his off key chant. Each time the priest said “Amen,” I prayed it was the end and each time he mentioned “Mercy,” ending the litany would have been merciful. But no, he droned on.

There was one young lady in the audience who was wearing a bright red, form-fitting soft material dress. The most remarkable thing about her was she was tall. Her long straight dark hair only accentuated her height. The hem of the skirt swept up into a V slightly higher than mid thigh. I commented to my friend, “Who’s the girl wearing the red glove” it was that tight.

The videographer had his case beside me and I teasingly said, “Did you bring enough batteries.” He said that he is a non-practicing Russian Orthodox and the ceremony is a condensed version. When the priest retreated behind the saloon doors, I teased my friend that he was upset that we clapped and was getting into the sacramental wines.

There was about two hours between the ceremony and the reception. We visited with my friend friend’s house. At the reception I couldn’t help but notice that the girl with the red glove dress had changed into a dark green dress that shimmered like satin. It was again form-fitting, accentuating her height and shape. Only one other person drew as much attention that she did. A man wore a bright orange and black suit with jacko’lanterns emblazoned on it.

I’ve described that the food was plenteous, but needed to be warmer. The vegetable spring roll hors d’oeuvres were cold and greasy. My friend thought so too.