Shave and a Haircut

One of the Nursing Assistants at Frick Hospital in Mt. Pleasant was named Kurt. His humor was warped to say the least. It wasn’t just inter-staff humor, but often reached into our patients’ lives as well. A male patient was admitted overnight for surgery the next day. He and his wife decided that they had as many children as they wanted and was for scheduled for a vasectomy in the morning. Yes, men were admitted overnight, kept for one day, and then discharged on the third day, a-a-ah, the fond memories when there was never enough hospital beds and sometimes patient beds were placed in the hallways, but that is another story. Now vasectomies are done in the physician’s office or in a short stay unit. Cut, nip, tuck, stitch, and send them on their way.

Kurt entered the man’s room with a basin, shaving cream, and a straight razor like barbers use to do a shave-prep on the man’s groin area. He set up his equipment on the over bed table, lathered the man’s pubic area, and began to shave him with a sharp, straight razor. We had safety razors, but some of the orderlies liked to demonstrate their skills and prowess by using a straight razor to whisk away the unwanted hair. No shaves necessary today. Hospitals have other means to remove hair and to prevent razor burn and possible sites for infections.

Kurt talked with the gentleman as he was performing his duty, paused halfway through the shaving, and told the man, “You know, if I slipped, you wouldn’t have to go to surgery tomorrow.” Then turned back to the task at hand, continuing to denude the man’s groin area.

I know it was true. The man was a friend of mine. He told me later, “I was thinking, was this man a nut case? Was he like the stories I heard of a local man John Borchin? Should I stop him and get up and run? But if I move….?” By then, Karl had finished his task and was cleaning up before leaving the room.