Mistaken Identity

On one busy night, we were caring for a tall, gangly, older black man who had an unsteady gait and had almost fallen several times. When he wandered into another room with female patients, we decided to bring him to the nursing station for the night and put him in a geri-chair. They were legal then.

            A geri-chair is a padded, tall backed seat that had a tray fastened to it. The tray could be placed over the person’s lap, much like a child’s highchair. This kept the person seated and kept them from wandering, falling and being injured.

            We finally managed to get him to sit in the chair and fastened the tray over his lap. A few minutes later, he said, “I got to go to the bathroom.”

            Monica, a thin blonde nursing aide asked, “Do you have to pee?”

            “No. I got to poop.” He answered.

            Mona said, “We just got you into that chair. I’m going to get you a bed pan.”

            She moved the chair to his room which was directly across from the station, and pulled the curtain. She had him lift his butt and slid the pan between his legs. She stood outside the curtain. We could hear a “PFFART, PFFARTT!” sound.

            “Are you finished?” Mona asked.

            “I’m done.” the voice from behind the curtain said.

            Mona lifted the man’s gown and there was a dark blob on the bottom of the bedpan. Monica put on gloves, wrapped toilet tissue around her hand, and began the task of wiping the old man’s bottom.

            All of a sudden, he stiffened and sat straight up in the chair exclaiming, “White woman, leggo of my balls!!”

            Mona was so embarrassed. She had mistaken the man’s scrotum that was resting on the bottom of the pan for a bowel movement.